Reluctantly Pink

I don’t really like pink. In fact, I might even say I dislike it.  There is no real reason why its just never been my color. Maybe it has something to do with being a hardcore engineer :-) or maybe because I was born in the 80’s and saw so many different horrible shades that I developed an aversion to it.  I can’t ever remember liking it…except for Barbie’s pink corvette. She always seemed to have a way of pulling it off. In general I’m OK with disliking it and have normally left the pink wearing in our family to my rock star sister-in-law Sarah and her fabulous daughter Jadrianne.

But, after I found out I had Breast Cancer it seemed like I saw pink everywhere and even opened myself up to purchasing a few things. Gasp! People have told me that I don’t HAVE to like pink now…I know, and I still don’t really. But the color reminds me of all the women who have gone before me in this fight. It is comforting and sometimes feels like armor against the anxiety of the unknown. I don’t know how my body will react to chemo. There are a ton of scary potential side effects…I had to go to the dentist last week to make sure my teeth won’t fall out. I don’t know a single person who is excited for chemo and says that is fun. So, I am certain it will be rough and am bracing myself for some tough days. But I am not the first and draw strength knowing that there are many people in the same position I am. I can and will do this one day at a time.

That being said I got the call this morning for my first of six chemo appointments. It will be this Thursday at 10:30 am Amsterdam time. I have been told it will take 4-5 hours because they give me quite a cocktail of different drugs. For you medical folks out there I am on the TAC regimen (DoceTaxel, Adriamycine, Cyclofosfamide). And will now receive an IV dose every 3 weeks.

This is when things will get heavier and we appreciate your prayers. Please pray specifically for:

  • A good night’s sleep on Wednesday…no anxiety
  • Getting the IV started on the first try. I have extremely difficult veins and can now only use my right arm for blood draws and IVs. After the IVF and other blood tests my right arm is extremely sore from getting poked so many times. (Most people need a couple tries to get it)
  • Minimal side effects

31 thoughts on “Reluctantly Pink

    • I second the idea to have a port placed – every patient I’ve cared for with one raves about them. Saves you so many pokes.

      • Also it helps if you tell them you’re a hard stick – they should then have the most skilled person try. It shouldn’t take a couple pokes to get it :(

    • I asked about a port and since I only have 6 treatments 3 weeks apart they don’t feel it is necessary. I will definitely ask for the most experienced person but the language barrier is a factor.

      • I’m praying for you! Praying that your fever breaks and you can get started. We found the time before chemo started to be rough because of the unknown as well. I third the port. Not only because it can be difficult to find a good vein, but IVs can actually damage the veins during treatment, and the chemo can be painful as it flows into your arms. It’s happened to Mark during his treatment and he wished he had a port, but it was too late once treatment was underway because his neutrophils were so low, they didn’t think he could sustain a surgery/recovery.

        You are going to rock this.

      • Well I suppose it’s a good thing that a port isn’t necessary! Sounds like your veins were well prepared for round 1 – great job hydrating. Here’s hoping that continues for the remainder of your treatments :)

  1. Oh Lynnea… thinking of you & praying for your continued pragmatic and beautiful strength as you face this storm. It was so special to see you both last weekend. Glad you finally got your appointment – I guess it makes it easier to ‘prepare’ for what is to come.
    Anyway, maybe that is why we got along so well from the start at the sorority (I never liked pink either, which was hard at ZTA…) :) But yes, it is indeed a powerful and symbolic colour. Wear it proud… you look awesome!

  2. I don’t pray, but I hope you’ll skate through the chemo like you skate an evenly paved dutch dike and once you have done it, completely recovered… I am confident that you’re will power and attitude are a solid basis for the helping the process! Torsten

  3. A bit like Torsten, I’m not personally sure who I’d be praying to, but there’s plenty of positive thoughts coming at you from over here. Right there with you. Blade

  4. I’m praying for you with all my heart. Also every day I do a little meditation too send healing energy your way. I know it sounds silly but I honestly believe it helps. You Are loved by so many and with all these prayers and happy energy heading your way I know will do great. Zlam
    Nikki

  5. Hi Lynnea,
    This is Richard from Lord Corporation. I hope you don’t mind me chiming in, Eric informed me of your plight. My interest is twofold. First, I want you to know that I understand your pain and the wild thoughts that constantly clutter your mind. In August of this year I will be a seven year survivor of LMS. Welcome to the club. Your life has been changed forever. You will never think of life in the same way. You will be told things you want to hear and things you need to hear, and everything in between. It is your difficult task to listen to those things you need to hear. No one can decipher that for you. You will have to rely on your common sense and engineering background to figure it out.

    Secondly, cancer has not only invaded my life personally, but those of three family members. As a result, it has been me quest to learn everything I can about this s.o.b. disease. In the last 10 years I have researched everything I can find in alternative treatments. There are several things out there that work. My advice is to keep an open mind and know that there are other things that work besides slash, poison and burn (surgery, chemo, and radiation). I have a lot of information if and when the time is right. You can email me if this is something that you want to learn about.

    For now, I wish you all the luck in world on Thursday. I never had chemo, they told me it would have no effect. I only had surgery. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Sleep well.

    r.

  6. Lynnea,
    I wish I could be there over the next days to comfort you and help you. Alas, wrap the quilt Alissa and I made for you and know that I am with you in spirit and that you are so loved. You will be in my prayers especially during these next days. I pray that you will have no anxiety and minimal side effects.
    Love you!
    Mom

  7. Dear Lynnea
    I wish you lots of strength to deal with this disease. If it’s any consolation my mum had chemo and her hair didn’t fall out so it’s not necessarily going to happen. I met Jonathan when he came to photograph my flat for airbnb if you’re wondering. All best and stay strong.

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