I don’t have much to say right now except a list of a few things I know:

1. That the hardships this year have transformed me in ways I would not give back. I am at a good place with God.
2. There has been a divine timing to absolutely everything that has happened. The Lord provided for my needs before I knew I needed them. Whatever the future brings I trust this will continue.
3. I have been praying for there to be light in the darkness, for satan to be bound and for chains to be broken…I didn’t realize how dangerous this prayer was…the darkness is dark and the chains are thick. But again the Lord has been faithful and will continue to carry me through this. I would pray that prayer again.

Those are my thoughts on this Friday afternoon…off to radiation.

Blessings,

Lynnea

Today I officially end my final chemo cycle. Yay! I will take the last pill of my regimen this evening at 8 pm. After that I can empty out my bucket o’ meds and return the unused drugs to my friendly neighborhood pharmacy. Good riddance.

I also had my first consultation with the Radiation oncologist to begin preparing for the next phase of my treatment. I had done my research ahead of time so I was prepared more or less for what to expect from the radiation treatment. Before they begin treatment they use a CT machine to isolate the “radiation field”. The angles of the radiation beams will then be directed so they only hit the field and not the surrounding tissue…obviously this won’t be 100% but they make a considerable effort to focus the treatment. The technicians use 3 tattoos to mark my body so they can position me in the same orientation every day. So yes, my first tattoo is a constellation of 3 alignment dots scattered over my body…I suppose maybe that’s appropriate for an engineer.

I did have a few surprises though:

1. Apparently I have to do 25 doses rather than the 15 I was told earlier. Not a HUGE deal but the difference between 3 and 5 weeks. I will start next week and will be done at the end (rather than the middle) of September.

2. Since I am getting radiated on my left side this hospital uses a technique called “Active Breath Control” to move my chest wall as far away from my heart as possible when the radiation is active. Thanks for that. Basically, they will only turn the radiation machine on when my lungs are full of air and I have to keep the air in my lungs until the dose is done…or hold my breath for 25 seconds or so. What this means for me practically is that my nose is clamped shut and I have to breath in and out through a snorkel so they can monitor the air flow. It’s a little awkward but also not a huge deal. I will just imagine some fish and look at it as excellent practice for the next time we go snorkeling.

Blessings,

Lynnea

Yowza…that was some post yesterday. It was an honest and raw account of my week but now I need to add a follow up.  I apparently left folks a little bit hanging and have received quite a few messages making sure everything is OK. And no, honestly, things aren’t OK…but they will be…someday. This little blog is a space to write about how I’m weathering the storms of life and right now there are some pretty fierce winds from many directions. But through God’s strength I will not be blown away.

Today, at my chemo-cise group, I got a chance to chat with another woman I’ve connected with. For the sake of this story we will call her C. We were both friends with, R, the woman who is now facing a much longer/harder road with breast cancer. I was on the exercise bike and C came up and hopped on the one next to me. I asked her how she was doing and she said that she has had a very heavy week. She has been sick, her work is not going well and she feels absolutely surrounded by cancer. Oh sister I feel ya!! C mentioned that it had gotten to be too much and she went to see a counselor. She then pulled a flat, smooth stone out of the pocket of her exercise pants. She said “My counselor gave me this and told me to hold onto it when the thoughts get to be too heavy. I then need to try and think about something else” I asked her what she thinks about, and C said she didn’t know yet. She’s not very good at refocusing her thoughts but it felt good to hold on to the rock. Oh sister I feel that too!!

But my rock is not a stone in my pocket but personal God that I cling to. And good grief…right now I am clinging for dear life…but in the midst of all this he has been faithful. OK, now yesterday’s post is complete. I can weather these crappy weeks by standing on my rock.
Blessings,

Lynnea

Our aunt and uncle came to visit us last night on the tail end of a year long sabbatical last evening. We are very excited to see them but on their journey up my uncle’s computer bag was stolen off the train. The hardware is nothing but I can’t describe how precious and irreplaceable the contents are.

Unfortunately the computer contained the novel he had been pouring his heart into for 10 years…and devastatingly the back up copies. The bag also contained an art book with sketches and thoughts that have been collected through the years.  I can’t tell you how heart breaking this is to lose this work.

We know the thieves got off at Duivendrecht and are probably based somewhere in Amsterdam and will wipe the computer and dump the things they can’t use. My uncle will pay a reward for the return of anything no questions asked- honestly way more than thieves will get for the computer. 

We know this is a long shot but friends in the Netherlands…please forward this post to see if we can recover some of these irreplaceable items. Or if you have any suggestions on where we can look or what we can do. Please reply to this blog or email me at lmpaddock12@gmail.com.

Thank you so much for your help.

Lynnea

Contents:

- The bag was a black heavy canvass computer bag with back pack  and shoulder straps. The bag had a name tag with this information:  

Jack Eastwood, 6 Mullock Street, St. John’s, Newfoundland,  Canada, A1C 2R5 (709) 579-3263

and had a message “reward offered for the return of this bag” at the bottom.

- The computer is an old white Macbook, dropped once, duct taped on the bottom right corner.

As well as the computer inside there was a black LaCie 500GB Hard drive,  two disc holders with CD’s andDVD’s of photos, a novel “The Red Car” and other information and one A4 size sketch book with drawings of artwork and furniture designs. 

So far the side effects after the 3rd chemo infusion have been MUCH better than the last round. I even managed to avoid a 24 hour fever that Jonathan picked up. Whew! The main problems continue to be a sore throat/horrible taste in my mouth and mild neuropathy that comes and goes. But no nausea and debilitating fatigue so I’ll take it.

Things continue to be a bit quiet on the blogging front because I am not currently in a place where I’m being extremely introspective. I still read and give myself space to journal. But in general, I’ve been content to just sit and let my body and mind rest. I needed a week where I didn’t have to go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone, think about anything in particular.  I watched movies when I wanted to and took naps when I needed to it was great. And actually this freedom inspired me to break out my jewelry making stuff and create. Fortunately the neuropathy was never bad enough to prevent me from working with my tools.

I have a 3 drawer chest full of an assortment of beads, wire, clasps, pendants (you get the idea) but it’s difficult for me to be inspired by materials I’ve had for years. However, I’ve given myself the challenge to use up the materials I already have before I can purchase anything new. I needed to impose this challenge because I used to have a bad habit of buying things I liked but never actually used them…any other crafters out there will understand.

But since I don’t have much to say right now I thought I’d show you what I’ve created:

Blessings,

Lynnea