de laatste keer

Well folks the time has come…number 6. I have my last heavy duty chemo infusion in my treatment plan tomorrow. It has managed to come fast and slow at the same time and, to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. Don’t get me wrong I am SO excited to not have poison pumped through my body every three weeks. I am ready to de fog my brain and re grow my hair :-). But it is odd to get to the end and wonder if I accomplished anything with this challenging process. Emotionally and spiritually I have grown in profound ways but I will never know if the chemo actually did anything. I just get to the end, walk out the door and wait…hopefully wait years without any sign of the cancer returning.

When I started on this cancer journey it seemed like running a half marathon/marathon was a good metaphor for the process. I would be tested physically and mentally and would have to rely on mental fortitude to push to the finish. There are many similarities but where the comparison breaks down for me is at the “finish”. Tomorrow I will be done (minus the side effects) with the tough chemo but my journey with cancer will continue in a different capacity. There is not an “I made it” moment and now I get to leave this all behind me. I get to leave this particular physical challenge behind me but the race is not done. I am now thinking a better metaphor is a long distance hike and I have just crested a summit but the trail continues before me. There will be times that are more physically demanding and others I get to stroll along enjoying the scenery. However, I am now on a cancer path and it will forever influence me.

But, that wont stop me from having one heck of a celebration after cresting this “chemo peak”. After all this I’ve learned you have to party whenever you have an excuse. 🙂



22 thoughts on “de laatste keer

  1. great metaphor!!! one helluva hike!!! congrats on reaching this tremendous summit!! we will celebrate with you here in the states with a Heineken- or five 😉

  2. Good luck with the last chemo tomorrow. You have fought the battle well. Yes, you should celebrate a lot for making it to this crest and growing thru so many challenges. We are all rooting for you each step. Have some fun when you are over the effects of this last session, moving on to a new stage now. Will be praying for you all the way. lots of hugs and love, Kay

  3. Lovely to cross this path of your cancer experience. Look forward and beyond cancer as much as you can. It is great to be as mindful as you are, aware of your body and soul, I wish I had been…I just wanted it done with, but your approach is so courageous. Good luck! Celebrating with you here in the northwest! Hope you keep writing… xoxo

    • I appreciate your thoughts on your path as well and thank you for your words. I think and pray for you often and hope the AC side effects mellow for you soon. xoxo L

  4. Yay lynnea, this bridge has been crossed!! Happy and relieved for you, will keep on hanging/praying in there with and for you. For you both!

  5. You have come through the hard experience with such courage and mindfulness. Your blog has been an inspiration to me who is facing chemo to start soon. Wish you all the best from Nijmegen. I also hope that you keep writing….

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