I want to thank everyone who has been thinking and praying for us as I finish up this last cycle of chemo. I have been asked “What did you do to celebrate?” quite a few times and the honest answer to that is: nothing…yet. There is definitely a nice dinner and bottle of wine in my future but I am not currently in a place where I can fully enjoy it. Mentally it is nice to know that I wont have to go back in for another flush of chemicals but physically I am still riding out the side effects of the infusion. And truthfully I’m not riding them out very well. It was easier for me to give my body the rest it needed when I knew I had more chemo in my future. I wanted to recover my energy and strength before getting kicked by another round. Now that the last one is behind me I want to slam the book closed on the “chemo chapter” of my life as fast as possible. I am beyond ready to begin reclaiming my life from being a chemo puddle. This feeling of “getting on with it” is so consuming and unless you’ve personally had the giant cancer/chemo pause button hit on your life…is impossible to understand.
However, I have learned that my body doesn’t go from 4 months of
poison chemo –> normal activity in a week. Shocked? I’m not either but I desperately wanted it to be true. Yesterday, the weather was great and I had been gradually feeling better…so (1 week after my final infusion) I went for a 6 km run/walk around the city, stopped in on a friend with a new baby…came home showered and ate lunch quickly…hopped on my bike for a 12km round trip ride to my physical therapist…stopped by a cafe on my way home and read for 2 hrs…did some shopping and then made dinner. Today, my body told me that that was too much too soon and I earned a little extra couch time. OK, fine. I give.
Anyone who knows me well is probably rolling their eyes and shaking their head because, honestly, it’s not surprising…please resist the urge to tell me to take care of myself. I REALLY do get it and promise will be more conscious of giving myself grace and attempting to be more accepting of the process. 🙂 I am just so ready to feel like myself again…