This year is one that I would not care to repeat…EVER. But I will admit that I have learned more about myself and the overwhelming love and faithfulness of my father in heaven. These are lessons that I wouldn’t give back. They have transformed me and my perspective on the world and relationships. I am and will be a better person because of them. That’s what hardships do…they refine and purify your character…if you choose to face them rather than escape.
“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling short changed. Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit.” Romans (5:3-5) – The Message
I am leaving cancer behind me. I finished the treatments. I ran a 4 mile race here in Groningen as my victory lap. I took down all the lovely support cards that poured in from around the world and “de-pinked” my house. 🙂 I appreciate all the love people sent my direction, seriously humbling, but I am moving forward. I will never know if the cancer will come back…all I can do now is live and live fully.
This year has been tremendously difficult for me but also for my mom who wanted so desperately to be close and to be able to take care of me. She was able to make 2 trips over at the beginning and the end of the treatment but I know that she worried, prayed and sewed her way through the last 8 months. (When she gets anxious she makes napkins and aprons as a distraction. 🙂 ) It is harder for people who love me to not be physically close to so they can see that I am actually doing quite OK despite my current situation. It is difficult but I have faith. I have hope. And I have real joy.That being said I am going to add 1 more month of worry to my poor family. (I hope someday to have my own children…and I’m sure there will be payback) I booked a post cancer holiday to the Middle East for a little desert walk about. My life has felt a bit deserty recently and I decided it was a fitting way to cap off this season. So…I will spend the next 3.5 weeks in Jordan, Bahrain and Dubai. I leave tomorrow and I promise, mom, to check in as often as I can. 🙂 These countries are perfectly safe but the blogging will be a bit sporadic because I wont always have access to a computer. I will try to post some updates when possible.