By God’s Grace I go…
This blog is meant to be a lot of things: My voice during this process. A central place to provide information to people who love and care about me. But primarily it is intended to proclaim the way Jesus will support and carry me through this valley. I have gone through seasons in life where I am ready to shout my faith from the mountains and others where it feels more quiet and personal. I am now in a shouting mood.
Many people have mentioned how strong I am in the way I have faced this. I can only
respond…by his grace and strength I crawl through this season. If it were by my own power the extreme helplessness would be crushing. But my faith is in something real, not an imaginary being. And my prayer through this process is that people will recognize this.
- In a good and loving God who only wants the best for me…Yes, even now. I feel the need to emphasize this again. I am not just merely writing these words but believe them to the depths of my soul.
- That I can trust him to direct this process and provide for my needs
- That I live in a fallen world where sin and pain exist…and where bad things happen to good people. It is not just. It is not fair. It is life. And sometimes it fucking sucks.
- In a God that can handle my anger, my pain, my tears. And not in a trite Sunday school, Jesus loves you and everything will be OK kind of way. We’re talking about the gut wrenching pain, despair when dreams are stripped away, paralyzing fear for the future and wall punching anger. He wants us to be authentic. His heart is also broken and he sits with us in our pain.
- In a God that can move mountains, heal and perform miracles…but sometimes chooses not to. One of the many many questions I have when I get to heaven.
- I will never be given more than I can handle with Him on any given day.
- That all people are separated from God due to sin in this world and are only saved through faith in Jesus and his grace that covers us.
I DO NOT believe:
- That I am being punished, or that I somehow deserved this. That does not fit with who I know God to be.