Dear c

I can’t take credit for this post…I borrowed stole it from a blogging friend over at Mainely Hopeful. It perfectly captures my feelings in this moment.

Dear c,

After a 7 month whirlwind of mammogram, ultrasounds, biopsies, surgeries, heart scan, bone scan, IVF, chemotherapy, radiation, uncertainty, fear and exhaustion I am cutting you loose.

Obviously this relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning.  I never even respected you enough to call you by your favorite title.. “the Big C”. You’re nothing but a little c to me.

I’m over you.  I’m not taking your calls. Oh sure, our mutual friends at the Cancer Center will want to get together periodically and reminisce about our relationship.  I’ll humor them. It’s the least I can do after how hard they fought to get me away from you. Eventually they will grow bored and our visits will be fewer and further between until you will be nothing but a footnote in my book of life.

So long, c. It’s not me, it’s you.

And with that the “heavy” cancer treatment chapter in my life is closed. Hallelujah. Please pass me a martini. 🙂

Blessings,

Lynnea

de laatste keer

Well folks the time has come…number 6. I have my last heavy duty chemo infusion in my treatment plan tomorrow. It has managed to come fast and slow at the same time and, to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. Don’t get me wrong I am SO excited to not have poison pumped through my body every three weeks. I am ready to de fog my brain and re grow my hair :-). But it is odd to get to the end and wonder if I accomplished anything with this challenging process. Emotionally and spiritually I have grown in profound ways but I will never know if the chemo actually did anything. I just get to the end, walk out the door and wait…hopefully wait years without any sign of the cancer returning.

When I started on this cancer journey it seemed like running a half marathon/marathon was a good metaphor for the process. I would be tested physically and mentally and would have to rely on mental fortitude to push to the finish. There are many similarities but where the comparison breaks down for me is at the “finish”. Tomorrow I will be done (minus the side effects) with the tough chemo but my journey with cancer will continue in a different capacity. There is not an “I made it” moment and now I get to leave this all behind me. I get to leave this particular physical challenge behind me but the race is not done. I am now thinking a better metaphor is a long distance hike and I have just crested a summit but the trail continues before me. There will be times that are more physically demanding and others I get to stroll along enjoying the scenery. However, I am now on a cancer path and it will forever influence me.

But, that wont stop me from having one heck of a celebration after cresting this “chemo peak”. After all this I’ve learned you have to party whenever you have an excuse. 🙂

Blessings,

Lynnea