I will wait

I am often encouraged by music and the latest Mumford and Sons album Babel (released September 2012) came at a perfect time for me. I enjoy this band with their folksy banjo riffs and indie rock vibe. The song I keep coming back to is “I will wait”. They are not a “Christian” band (Honestly, what is that anyway??) but their lyrics are deep, spiritual and often bring tears to my eyes. When I listen to this song I think of redemption and restoration…and it inspires me to wait for Jesus and his timing.

There is a lot I could say (and honestly probably will 🙂 ) but here are some of my favorite lyrics.

Well I came home like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust which we’ve known
Will blow away with this new sun

I can physically feel these words. You know those days when you are so exhausted it takes all the energy you can manage just to collapse on the couch? I imagine my body feeling like that and my heart/spirit heavy like a rock…barely able to take tiny steps forward…then I imagine using my last bit of strength and collapsing…not onto a couch but into God’s arms. There is strength and protection there. I picture the cares and concerns weighing me down blowing away like dust in the wind…sometimes the “blowing” is more like a sandstorm but eventually the sun comes out and reveals the new life underneath. I love this image.

And I’ll kneel down wait for now
And I’ll kneel down know my ground

I don’t know if you are a “kneeler”. 🙂 I am at times. I find it to be a posture of humility and recognition that everything I have in my life is a gift. It is a peaceful posture. It is vulnerable. You aren’t going to be moving anywhere quickly. Sometimes it hurts a little but somehow praying on my knees helps me to recognize more deeply how desperately I need Jesus. I love the next line about knowing your ground. It is easier to wait when you know what or who you are waiting for. It is also easier when you know what or who holds you up during the process. What is the foundation beneath your knees? What do you rest on while you are waiting? Is it solid? Is it quicksand? Do you know it? My ground was remembering who God is…and becoming more familiar with his works and promises. Knowing my ground. He has been faithful through the generations…He loves me more than I can hope to comprehend…He promises to heal and redeem me. His character is constant and doesn’t change with me or my circumstances. I can kneel and wait on a firm foundation…my rock.

So I’ll be bold as well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh and fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies

When I find myself “waiting” I can be very reactionary. Most of the time I am waiting because I am not able to have something I want. Sometimes I know the timeline…most times I don’t. And when I don’t know the timeline I can grab onto the first thing that may move me closer to what I want. Often that is not the best idea. So using my head AND my heart really resonates with me. When you just react it is mostly emotional. Also, the image of taming and tethering makes me think of a young horse in the process of being broken and trained. It is initially wild and out of control…fighting for its own way against the will of the trainer…slowly, with time and discipline it submits and allows itself to follow commands. It lives a much more peaceful life without the intense struggle. We can be like that horse and fight very hard for our own way. But ultimately we fight against God because we have wrapped ourselves in lies. Lies of entitlement. Lies of idols. Lies of identity. Lies of value. As those lies are broken and we begin to see the truth and fix our eyes on Jesus…our lives will become more peaceful and free…and it also becomes easier (Note I said easIER…not easy 🙂 ) to wait and trust. 

Here is a simplified overview of the story the lyrics tell…it’s basically a Psalm. My spirit is heavy and weak…I fall into your arms and need you to transform my life…I remember your faithfulness and trust you as I wait..I will remember everything I have been forgiven….as I kneel and seek you I will be transformed more and more into your likeness and freed from the lies of this world. My hands will be raised and my spirit will be gold.

Good stuff.




Just Breathe

My posting has been non existent this past week because I spent the week on the Mediterranean in Spain…fairly disconnected from all things digital. It was glorious! And sorry to make you jealous. 🙂 I have spent the last 7 months feeling like the ground was falling out from beneath my feet. Every time I thought I had re-established my footing the bottom would drop out again. I was exhausted and tired of reinventing myself…having emotions and tears wrung out of me like a wet dish cloth. A friend of mine had been offering to host me in Calafell for ages and this seemed like the perfect time so I decided to take him up on it (Thanks Richard!!!) I collected my jetlagged mother at the airport in Schiphol and off we went.

Typically I like beach vacations for about 3 days and then I get a bit antsy to “do” something or “see” something. Calafell is 40 minutes south of Barcelona by train and I had grand visions of day trips into the city and exploring nearby villages. It was an amazing opportunity to explore the Catalan region of Spain…BUT that was not what I needed. This was a photo taken on my first morning there and it proved to be very difficult to move me from this spot for the whole week. Can you blame me? 🙂 It was my own private retreat and I finally had the head and heart space to just sit and let God pour into me. So honestly, I didn’t do much except sit, pray, read, write and look at the ocean…and breathe. It was a complete blessing.

I am coming out of this week knowing with every fiber of my being that my God loves me… Lynnea. He knows my name. In the midst of the billions of people on this planet He created me and absolutely adores me. He loves me in spite of all the ways I let him down and break his heart. He paid a huge price for me and I have done nothing to earn it. That love does not mean that things are easy, in fact it means that in the darkest times I feel it most profoundly because I know how little I can do on my own. Truth be told it is actually a pretty cool place to be. Crazy right?

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.

I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.

When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.

When you’re between a rock and a hard place,

it won’t be a dead end —

Because I am GOD, your personal God,

The Holy of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you.

all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!

That’s how much you mean to me!

That’s how much I love you!

I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,

trade the creation just for you.

Isaiah 43:1-6 (The Message)

Trade all of creation (read universe) just for me? Wow. Happy Wednesday everyone.