These past few weeks have been difficult as I navigate the stream of good byes and “lasts”. I have a hope and expectation for the next season but closing this one takes a significant amount of energy…there is a grief to it. A sadness that things are about to change completely. A pain that I won’t be able to continue the relationships in the same capacity. It is hard.
But this process is showing me how truly blessed I am.
I have invested my heart in relationships and have been surrounded by extraordinary people. My circumstances forced me into a more vulnerable place…a place where I needed to reach out and rely on so many in my community. But that vulnerability forged a depth to my friendships that make this move VERY hard. And for that I am extremely thankful.
Somehow, I think it would be more sad if I could just pack up and leave without difficulty. CS Lewis said it best:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” CS Lewis, The Four Loves
There have been many tears and long hugs. Laughter as we reminisce or enjoy a meal. My heart is a bit weary but full of gratitude. I will never have appropriate words to describe this season or how much people mean to me…even though it’s hard I am thankful I invested.